Some things I learned this week

December 13, 2007
11:55 PM

that I am sure I will forget a 1000 times before I hopefully remember for good. One of the things I have struggled with is how cruel I thought Knox’s accident and death seemed. A child’s death always seems cruel I know, but I have always thought drowning would be a terrible way to die and partly for selfish reasons like why I get to blame myself for not protecting him as well as the unmerited blame others put on themselves. As I have said before, I believe that God gives and takes away life and that He, himself, numbered Knox’s days. Believing that, I have thought about ways he might have died. A silly exercise I know ,of no benefit, and of course I have never come up with a good way. Yet, I think I have thought it would be easier if he were to have been sick. We could have prepared ourselves and dealt with the inevitable and again selfishly, it wouldn’t have been our fault.

I realized this week though from Asa being in the hospital and being in pain and the harsh reality of parents watching their child in pain and from Sue, my former neighbor, dying of cancer that I wouldn’t have wanted him to suffer in life. How terrible it would have been if his life had been full of pain and discomfort. It would have been torturous if we had to experience that with him. While drowning seems terrible, and there is no good way to die, I am grateful that he lived a joyful life that was happy and free from pain and suffering and that we got to love him and enjoy him as a healthy fun-loving boy. And lastly, my friend who has had a near-death experience told me that for her dying seemed a calm and peaceful experience and that she believes that God can make dying an easy experience. God was with Knox and God could protect him from fear and suffering. That gives me comfort.

So on this Dec. 13^th, 8 months into this I am trying to be thankful for the things Knox was given as well as us. Thankful that he had a wonderful life that brought us lots of joy. I trust he is smiling even more in heaven.