Bittersweet

February 7, 2008
12:10 AM

I remember going to the sonogram for Knox. As usual we took all the kids with us; it helps them to connect to the baby to see it on the screen, and what better family event than to get a sneak preview of the newest member. I used to think that you shouldn't want one sex over the other. I mean what we all want most of all is a healthy baby, right? And I admit to be nervous about the health and well-being. In my warped mind, I wonder how many healthy children can one couple have? Shouldn't we just quit while we are ahead? Why gamble? blah...blah....blah....
So anyway, back to wanting one sex over the other. I really, really wanted Knox to be a boy. I KNOW I would have been happy with a girl...who wouldn't? I had 3 and they were/are great, but I wanted Jack to have a brother. He had 3 sisters. I wanted him to have the experience of growing up with a brother, a best friend. BUT, I really thought I was having a girl. It seemed like my pregnancies with the girls. I think I just thought I had girls and Jack was kind of a fluke...heehee...anyway, when they said it was a boy I was shocked. REALLY???? The girls were thrilled. They wanted another brother too. They were pulling for moving toward an even count. Jack, well, I he was too young to really care. I remember just being on cloud nine. I told my friend Becky, "Can it get better than this? 3 girls and 2 boys!" It isn't like I ever imagined having 5 kids in the first place. I just felt so blessed and kind of in awe of the whole thing. Funny, how at least for me, no matter how many kids it just doesn't ever seem real, but you feel the movement within and see that picture on the screen; attach an identity with a sex and a name and reality starts to really sink in.
Knox was wanted and loved and cherished. A wonderful son and brother. A gift from above. Always a joy. He does not get left behind. He was little brother in life and now gains the title of big brother to a brother to come. One of six and an even count....Anne Michal, Elizabeth, Emma, Jack, Knox, and Christian.