May 12, 2008
11:35 PM
Ever wonder why we would have another child? We decided a long time ago
that we didn't want to stop having children for selfish reasons like
thinking we could afford them or it would take too much or "our" time; I
would think selfish reasons would look different for different people
but that really isn't even what this is about. When Knox died, we could
add another reason to not have another child: fear. The fear being
setting ourselves up for the potential of more heartache, grief and
loss. So we found ourselves at a point of not having another child being
either selfish or driven by fear. But we also believe that the Bible
is clear that children are a blessing. So if we were to let ourselves be
ruled by our fear then we would miss out. I have already made it clear
numerous times that we feel Knox was a blessing even though we only had
him a short time; we'd never go back and change not having him. That
would be ridiculous. This, however, doesn't cancel out the fear. That
is hard. One of the kids was having trouble sleeping tonight and may
still be awake because she is worried about the baby. What if he dies?
It is hard; I can't tell her he won't. I can't promise he'll be
healthy. All I can do is tell her is to trust God and believe in his
sovereign goodness that what He does is right. Two years ago, I would
have reassured her that he would be fine. Don't worry. Nothing will
happen. Now I tell her..trust God. He is good. He does not call us to
live lives of fear and anxiety. We cast our cares on Him. And so I
tell myself these things too.
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