11:50 PM
Naturally this week I have been thinking about Knox's time in the hospital and what it was like. There is no way to describe what that week was like, but I am so glad that we had that 10 days to be with him and tell him goodbye. He was so well taken care of by the nurses and staff. I can't stress enough how much I felt like they truly cared for him as they gently cared for him and for us too. I appreciate the time they spent with us and their honesty; they were open with us and even let us get glimpses into their lives and get to know them as people too. There were people on staff that helped prepare our children for seeing him with all the tubes and wires and helped prepare them for what might happen. They couldn't have made a horrible situation any better and for that I am eternally grateful.
Saying Goodbye seemed impossible but was inevitable; we knew it was coming but yet held out that hope that they'd take him off the respirator and God would miraculously heal him and he would breathe. When we have Christ, we cling to hope, but our hope really isn't in this world and God does as He wills. It is good even when we don't understand. All I could think of that last day was what we were going to have to do and how in the world were we going to tell our children that they had to tell Knox goodbye. I don't even remember what was said to them though I remember their response. Always I will remember that one along with giving him his last bath and lotioning him up with Johnson's baby lotion (is there any better smell?). I'll always remember holding him and whispering to him and loving him. And I'll always remember walking out without him. At least I will never have to do that one again because when we see him again it will be forever with no more goodbyes. We love you Knoxie!!! I leave you with these because I treasure them and because pictures can say what words cannot.
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