Change

April 23, 2008
7:41 PM

Obviously, the death of a child is a huge change. He was here now he is gone. There were 5 now there are 4. It is easy to see the emptiness, to see what is missing. But is is ever so much bigger than that. We are all different now; none of are the same. Not me or Jon or Anne Michal, Lizzy, Emma,and Jack. We are all marked by the loss of son and brother. We have new fears, new dreads, new thoughts. It doesn't matter what they are;they are there. The kids have sadness they can't explain; nightmares haunt them. I could tell you distinctly how each person in the house has changed.
However, some things never change and I have to remind myself of that. There is a family in our church that has 3 older sons and a daughter. We used to sit where if I looked across the church I could see them sitting up toward the front. The sons are tall and strong and tower over their mother. I used to wonder(and still do) what that day would be like when my sons were standing beside me in church towering over me and worshiping God as part of my family. It was a day to which I looked forward. I remember telling our pastor that and he said that was something to mourn. And it is, very much, but I also know that our hopes and dreams don't have to change.Knox has already arrived and is complete. For our children that are still here with us, our hopes and dreams have not changed because their brother died. God's promises to us are still his promises. Jon and I still have the hope of generations after us worshiping and serving God with their whole hearts;of loving Him with a love that we can only imagine. We pray for a line of faithful followers that if anything have been strengthened by him who has gone before them.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you,plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11