Lizzy and Knox

April 8, 2008
11:33 PM

Elizabeth LOVED LOVED LOVED being with Knox. If you couldn't find her, she was with Knox. She was always wanting to hold him. She loved feeding him. Most of the time he took his baths with her. She was thrilled to have a "buddy" to help take care of. Jack was Anne Michal's buddy and Knox was hers. I had a terrible time getting her to stay on task with her school work because she was always disappearing from her work to be with him. "Knox wanted me to read him a book"or "He really wanted me to play with him" were common excuses I heard. She loved teaching him things and always seemed to be convinced that he could say a new word (one only she could understand) and seemed to know things about him that no one else did like the fact that green was his favorite color. Here are some pictures of the two of them.

TX wildflowers

April 7, 2008
11:52 PM

I love TX wildflowers. I love driving down the road and seeing the blue,red, yellow and pink flowers all along the way. Spring really is the prettiest time in TX and a time to look forward to. I was driving to"town" the other day and I thought,"I love April in TX." As soon as the thought ended, it kind of startled me. I have something to love in April. God gave me an April love in TX. Thank you Lord.

Every spring I try to be aware of the changing of the seasons, but some years I have disappointed myself by suddenly realizing spring was over,everything was already green, and I missed it all. This year I have been especially aware. I've watched the gradual changing of the grass from brown to green, trees and flowers blooming, and then watching the trees leaf. It has been comforting and reassuring with a sublayer of sadness to be reminded that life goes on; new life begins; God is creator and orderer of life from flowers to people;that what he does is good. I pray I don't miss another spring.

The Chair

April 5, 2008
11:33 PM

Do you see this sad little chair?

I should be embarrassed  to publicize it but I am not because since the day I brought it home from the Palmer Home Thrift Store,it has been a favorite.  Actually, it didnt' look that bad when I brought it home and I had every intention of  recovering.  I have never done that before but it seemed like a good learning  project.Now it is worn and threadbare  and you can feel the frame through the material,but it still is not recovered.  It is,however, on "the list."  Well, Knox loved this chair just as much as everyone else and as you can see his basket of board books sit right beside it. Who can resist a chair and a basket of books.

The chair is much cuter with a Knox decoration,huh?

He also  liked to use the chair as a slide. He would stand up in it and then slide down the back of the chair over and over again.See it was just too valuable to trash like people kept suggesting I do.  ;)

Elizabeth and a younger Knox sharing the chair.

Where is the chair now? We still have it. I think there would be mutiny if I tried to get rid of  it now.  It resides in Emma and Elizabeth's walk-in closet as a "get-away" spot. And yes I still have plans to  recover it and even have the fabric picked out.  I just need to buy it and do it. But it just won't be the same.

A wagon ride

April 4, 2008
3:09 PM

One of those days...

April 3, 2008
4:11 PM

when every where I look and everywhere I go, I see the empty spot and hear the silent voice.

Another Screamer

April 3, 2008
4:10 PM

just because this is how I feel today.

Letters

April, 2008
7:39 PM

I know I mentioned early on how overwhelmed(in a good way) we were with the outpouring of cards and letters we received. I have a chest at the foot our bed that holds momentos not only of Knox but for the other kids as well. One of the things in the chest is a basket that is overflowing with the mail we received. We have cards, letters, and pictures from family, church family, friends, children, and people we have never met. Some people and churches sent numerous cards. One church in MA sent us a "we are praying for you card" consistently all summer. All these were very meaningful to us; it is hard to feel as though God has abandoned you when someone is telling you almost every day that they are praying for you and offering scripture for you to read or a child you have never met draws you a picture to cheer you up! Different people said different things from a simple "I am praying for you" to "I don't know what to say" to quoting scripture and so on. I was going through the chest the other day and I pulled out an especially meaningful letter and I want to share it with you minus the namesbecasue I don't like to use people's names online without knowing it is OK.

Dear Jon and Rachel,
Saturday morning April the 14th, the phone rang and D was inviting me to a prayer meeting for Knox Anderson,at the church for 11:00 AM.
I was one of the first to arrive and sat on the front row of the middle section. L.explained what he knew of the situation and started crying, J gave us a few more insights and he started crying. Then we all broke in small circles to pray. As I stood to get in place, Il ooked behind me and noticed the middle section was full of people.We were all praying and crying. The mood was very solemn.We now wait for email from the church to bring us updates on Knox's condition.As Christians we know that life has no opposite. Psalm62:8 "Trus tin Him at all times,people, pour out your heart before Him;God is a refuge for us."
We enfold you in His presence,

This letter meant a lot to me because I knew there had been a prayer meeting for Knox there as well as some other churches,but to have it documented for me was a gift as though I could hear and feel those prayers after the fact. It was as though a bit of my own history had been filled in and prayers realized in a tangible way for me and for that I am thankful.

Swingtime

March 31, 2008
11:24 PM

 

A favorite book

March 28, 2008
5:39 PM

Ok...you really can't look inside.I just copied the picture. It is all in how you read this one,but here is how it goes:

Hey,Big Guys,
Open your eyes.
What do you say?
It's a brand new day!

Yawn.(yawn) Stretch(stretch). Touch your toes(Tickletoes) .
Shimmy shimmy shimmy. ( you better be shimmying)
Wiggle your nose. (do it for them)

Shout out loud:
GOOD MORNING SUN!
HAPPY MORNING, EVERYONE!!(say loudly and with great enthusiasm)

Hey,Little guys!
Open your eyes.
What do you say?
It's a brand new day.

Yawn.(yawn) Stretch(stretch). Touch your feet(Tickletoes) .
Breakfast time! Come on! Let's eat!
Orange juice and cereal,too.
Buttered toast and Broccoli stew. Ew. (said with great disgust) * this was his favorite part and he turned pages rapidly to get there!*

Hurry, hurry! Go get dressed! Put on the clothes that you like best.(read really really fast)
Put on the clothes that you like best.
Hey,hey what do you say?
Are you ready? Let's go play!

You're to small for basketball
unlessyou play with someone tall. (do big and small with hands)
You're too big to use the swings!
You should go do Big Guy things. (bossy voice and shake finger)
Try out the jump rope! Slide down the slide!
Are you tired? Come inside.

Morning snack is here for you.
Milk and cookies.And broccoli stew. Ew.(disgust)
For the bunny, not for you. Oh.Phew. (relief!)

I was suprised when I went to upload this picture that this is the book Jack is "reading" to Knox.Notice he has other favorite things too. His paci and his doggie.

Just Because

March 28, 2008
1:12 AM

To lose a son

March 23, 2008
7:58 PM

I often remind myself when I think that losing Knox is more than I can bear; when I find myself shocked with the reality of it all over again, that our heavenly Father also knows what it is like to lose a son too. He willingly gave up his son, so that the penalty of our sins could be paid and we could spend eternity in heaven with Him. I am forever thankful.

Being complete...

March 23, 2008
12:26 AM

I hear people talk all the time about how they have x number of children and how their family just feels complete or on the other hand, I will hear someone say they don't feel like their family is complete yet. I didn't necessarily feel like our family was complete and obviously it wasn't with at least one more to come, but I often find my mind going to that phrasing of a family being complete; I know that our family will not be complete again until heaven. Heaven and completeness is a joyful thought; but it is sobering knowing we continue to live our earthly life out without our complete family. When I look at this picture,

I can't help but think about how he just fit in perfectly and effortlessly into our family. What a treasure he was and is..

It never ceases to shock me...

March 23, 2008
12:15 AM

I said I have been having picture issues; I have been trying to transfer pictures from hard drive to new computer and all the files of Knox got messed up after I had sorted them and everything so I had to start back over sorting them off of Jon's computer and getting them on mine. I am not the most computer-savvy person and they tend to easily make my blood pressure rise, but it is getting done. (Organize your pictures when you take them!!!!!!!) All that to say I have done a lot of scrolling through pictures and every time it shocks me when I get to where the pictures of Knox end. As Hannah would say, it is like getting sucker-punched all over again. It seems so abrupt, but then it was.

Easter 2007

March 22, 2008
11:41 PM

Here are the promised pictures from Easter 2007. I am still having picture issues, but am getting them worked out.

Showing off his Easter outfit.  Not sure why, but since Anne Michal was a baby I have loved giraffes for babies.  Her first outfit I bought was a sleeper with a giraffe on it so Knox continues the tradition.

Before church Easter morning. I love how Jack is getting Knox's attention. Boys!!


Then all the ones from the Eater egg hunt:
It was unseasonably cold that day, but I remember thinking he could wear my favorite overalls one more time. He had a lot of fun hunting eggs. He kept picking them up and then throwing them back down like balls. He didn't really care to have more than one at a time.

How do I choose?

High stepping in the grass.

The cup and paci are as important as the eggs.

Somebody clean this van behind me!!!

Yay!!  Another one!

outside before church...notice how Elizabeth has to hold him back.  He always wanted to come grab my camera.

And lastly Jon and Knox..

Confession

March 17, 2008
9:57 PM

I have been dreading Easter. I think more than Christmas even. I remember last Easter much more vividly and I found myself thinking of Easter as the wonderful day we had 5 days before Knox' accident. I was also remembering it as time we spent with friends we miss as well. We spent the two Easters we had here at their house as well as Knox's first Christmas and it just made for a sad package. I miss Knox. I miss our friends. Anyway, I am still struggling, but Nancy Wilson reminded me on her blog (she has had several good ones lately--check them out) that Easter is not about the 5 days after Easter 2007 but the resurrection of Christ and worthy of celebration. So pray with us for a joyful celebration. I think we will dye eggs which we haven't done for several years and make hotcross buns for starters and I am still sewing with the end in sight. I have been having picture issues but when I can get to them I will post some pictures of Knox from last Easter even though most of them have been posted already.

Just a screaming!

March 11, 2008
1:19 PM

A good screaming/squealing photo has been lacking.   ;)

The Perfect Day

March 9, 2008
11:09 PM

I am really about about not quoting movies right, but remember in Sleepless in Seattle, where Tom Hanks character is talking on the phone to the radio therapist and he says how he is just trying not to remember how perfect and beautiful he had it once. I struggle with dwelling on the past and how I used to have it so good and perfect; like I mentioned in the post where I talked about my life being charmed. I struggle with thoughts that it will never be as good as it was. Today in church our pastor was talking about how we aren't going to find the perfect day here, but the perfect day is going to come when we are face to face with Jesus. That was a really good reminder for me. Thanks, Pastor Wade.

A Letter to Jack

March 6, 2008
5:45 PM

Dear Jack,
Even when you are old enough to read and understand this, you are still not really go to know how what you mean to me in relation to your brother Knox. When I hold you and watch you play, I remember when there were two little boys. When I hold you on my lap and stroke your hair, it reminds me of what it was like to hold Knox and stroke his hair. Yes, his hair felt different. It was finer and silkier; the hair of a toddler not a four year old, but it still places me in a time before. I feel the snuggles and the closeness. You have always been a cuddiler and a hugger just like Knox and for that I am thankful. When I watch you play, I see you driving your cars and playing your trains, and I remember when you had a little brother by your side playing along with you. I remember how he had quite an amazing attention span for such a little guy to be content to drive and drive and drive some more. I remember how he like to play with you and not just along side you. I remember how you shared with him and let him have his way from time to time because you loved him. When I see you carrying around Little Lightening, I remember how much he liked "Cars", and the way he yelled, "Mac! Mac!" at the tv screen. I remember the obsession you all shared. As I watch you grow and develop, I know Knox would have been right there beside you sharing in your good and bad times. Now, as you talk about him, about what he liked and didn't liked and how he followed you around and how much you loved him, it makes my heart weep tears of joy and sadness as I know you won't forget him and will always love him. You will always help me to remember what he was like and to cherish the time we had with him. Thank you.

Love,
Mommy

In Honor of Matt's Birthday

March 4, 2008
1:10 AM

These were all taken at his 35th birthday party... Some are repeats but all worth repeating. :)