Learning to crawl

July 21, 2007
10:11 AM

These go with the picture from the last post when Knox was learning to crawl. Our kids tend to not do things early; two didn't even roll over until 9 months. We knew they could; they just didn't. So Knox was about 9 months when he learned to crawl and that would be on the early side for us!! BTW, the purple thing is an exercise mat not an ugly rug!! ;)

Just Because

July 19, 2007
8:49 PM

From about this time last year...

Melissa and Knox

July 18, 2007
12:05 AM

My sister Melissa is here visiting so I thought I would post a picture of the two of them together from last Jan. I promise he really did like her. ;)

Worship II

July 16, 2007
1:44 AM

Now when we take communion at church, I think of Knox feasting at the King's table. Funny, how we all like to think we know more than our children, but oh the things that Knox knows that we don't!

Worship

July 16, 2007
12:26 AM

Currently Reading
Treasures In Darkness: A Grieving Mother Shares Her Heart
By Sharon W. Betters

One of the things that I mourn is that we really didnt' get to worship with Knox in church with our family. We usually keep our kids in the nursery until they turn 2 and then bring them into church with us. OK actually not true. He went to worship with us until he became a chronic and loud babbler. Knox did go with us a couple of times when he seemed to sick for the nursery but not sick enough to stay home. I remember one time having him at a special service and he kept trying to make a break for it and run up to the front to daddy. He would ease his way slyly (or so he thought) to the edge of the aisle and then try to make a break for it only to be grabbed by me. I finally had to take him to the back of the church and same thing. He would kind of walk around and play with a plant that was there and then try to head for the front. So cute!

I'll Lend You a Child

July 15, 2007
3:09 PM

I'll Lend You A Child

by Edgar Guest

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine," He said.

For you to love - while he lives

And mourn for when he's dead.

It may be six or seven years

Or twenty-two or three,

But will you, till I call him back,

Take care or him for Me?

He'll bring his smiles to gladden you,
And should this stay be brief
You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,

Since all from earth return,

But there are lessons taught down there

I want this child to learn.

I've looked this world over

In search for teachers true,

And from the throngs that crowd

Life's lanes, I have selected you.

Now will you give him all your love,

Nor count the labor vain,

Nor hate Me when I come to call to

Take him back again?"

I fancied that I heard then say,
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,

The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known
Forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for him

Much sooner than we've planned,

We'll brave the bitter grief that come

And try to understand."

baby drool

July 13, 2007
2:01 AM

Note the drool running down the chin :)

Practicality

7/13/2007
1:48 AM

So I am practical...probably to a fault. Ok so I am sure it is to a fault. If you have ever taken the Meyers-Briggs personality test I am an ISTJ. That is a capital T; that is the giant T that letterman can leap with a single bound. For those that don't know, T is for thinking vs F for feeling. So now I have a new battle waging. The old thinking me wrestling with the me that now has more feelings and emotions than ever in my life. Kind of hard to handle on top of everything else.

So the practical side of me says...why sell your perfectly good house for another house that you have yet to even find.

The feeling side says....you have to be nuts to stay where you are.

The practical side says...A house is a roof over my families' head.

The feeling side says...(*&^%^&%&^%

The practical side says...a date is just a number on a calendar just like any other day.

The feeling side says...anniversaries make for a cruddy day.

The practical side says...4 birthdays in one week...might as well get them all over with in the same horrid week.

The feeling side says...special days are tough...I have to do this 4 times in one week; you gotta be kidding.

stairs and giggles

July 10, 2007
10:16 PM

Something this morning made me think about Knox and how I carried him down the stairs. I would stop at the top and I would run down the stairs with him in my arms jouncing him as much as possible. He loved it and giggled gleefully all the way down. Maybe that is why he refused to learn to scoot down them on his bottom and always wanted to be carried down.

Emma says

July 9, 2007
11:41 PM

we will always count Knoxie when we count how many kids there are in the family and Jack says yes there are 3 boys...him, Daddy, and Knoxie!

Busy Box with Anne Michal

July 9, 2007
11:39 PM

Anne Michal has been wanting me to post telling how Knox loved playing with the busy box with her. I am not sure that is what you really call it or not but it is one of those things where the child manipulates different things like turning a lever or flipping a switch or pushing a botton and then something pops up. He couldn't do it by himself, but she would help him and he thought it was a lot of fun, laughing.

Book Suggestions

July 7, 2007
1:38 PM

Currently Reading
A Mother's Grief Observed: A Personal Account of How God Brought Hope and Healing Following the Devasting Loss of a Son
By Rebecca Faber

Just thought I would mention that if you want an inkling of some of the stuff that we are going through with losing Knox or understanding other people and their losses, you might want to check out some of the books I have listed in my What I am currently reading tags(or whatever you call them in the blogging world). They have helped me to know that I am not alone in my thoughts and struggles ands of course it is easy for me to say now, but I think that it would be a good idea for Christians to read some of these personal narratives to aid them in helping to share another's grief. If this had been someone other than me, I wouldn't have had a clue about what to say or do so I probably would have done nothing... and that would have been sad.

Just Because

July 6, 2007
9:35 PM

The Knox Jar

July 5, 2007
11:58 PM

I did a bit of research and here is what I found out about the Knox canning jars. I don't know if you can tell in the picture that the jar is actually kind of square.

The Knox jars were made in the 1940s by the Knox Glass Bottle Co. in Knox, PA The pints and quarts are worth about $6. The half pints and half gallons are of greater value to collectors.

Phantom Pains

July 5, 2007
1:52 AM

Phantom pains are what someone who has lost a limb feels. It will feel like the limb hurts even though it isn't there. I have phantom pains too. My arms ache. This isnt' figurative. They really do ache. It is a real feeling that I can't describe, but it comes from not being able to hold my little boy. I miss his running to me and jumping in my arms. I can still feel what it feels like to pick him up and hold him close. My arms ache for that.

This picture was taken the weekend of his baptism at our friends Alex and Tanya's who were kind enough to let us use their residence to host a feast in honor of Knox and his baptism.

More What I learned from Knox

July 4, 2007
1:10 AM

I have learnt that words often aren't enough and sometimes are too much.

I have learnt that prayer is a gift beyond measure that God has given for such times as this.

I have learnt that saying goodbye is heartwrenching, looking foward to hello too painful to think about.

I have learnt that God is a gracious God who did not leave Heaven a secret.

I have learnt that the rain falls on us all.

I have learnt to weep and groan for my sisters here and to thank God for their love and support, togetherness and willingness to share and carry each others burdens.

I have learnt more about a lovely little boy named Knox whose bright smile, bright locks and bright personality brightened the days of grief. What a dear little fellow and what a gift,

I have learned to hug my children a little tighter, keep them a little closer, and pray for them more continually.

I have learned that life can change in the blink of an eye - but even in the darkest night, even when it makes NO sense, God is holding us tight and He is still in control and even such things as this work together for *good* to those who love the Lord.

I have learned that when I can't pray, God hears the groanings of my heart.

I have learned that our lives really are not our own.

I have learned how fast life can change.

I have learned to enjoy my children more.

I have learned how comforting God's goodness and sovereignty are in a time like this. Even when I don't understand and still wish for Knox to be in his mama's arms instead of God's right now...that this was His good and perfect plan and it helps knowing that.

I have learned that God was with Knox every moment, and that he was not alone when he died. Crying or Very sad

I have learned that you can deeply love and grieve over one you have never met.

I have learned that my grief cannot compare in any way to the grief Rachel and Jon have felt and feel, and that reality makes me groan all the more for them in prayer.

I have learned that the church is a great blessing in time of need.

I have learned to long for heaven a little bit more.

An interesting and special gift

July 2, 2007
10:50 PM

A member of our church gave this to Jon yesterday at church. I unwrapped it and found a jar with a note inside. I thought it was a bit odd, but after reading a bit of the note I knew to look at the jar more closely. She had found this jar while cleaning out her parent's lake house. We think it is very neat; I think we'll use it for our loose change jar and let the kids help us decide how to use the money to help others just as we have been helped. Thanks for the fun gift!!

Children's Miracle Network

July 2, 2007
10:33 PM

We got a thank you card from them; they said that Anne Michal and Jack raised by far the most money and thanked them for their effort. They expressed their sympathy to us and said they loved it when children were helping children. We were glad to help them out and we thank all those again who helped us help them!!!! :)

In Christ Alone

July 1, 2007
11:13 PM

Currently Reading
The Year of Magical Thinking
By Joan Didion

We sang this in church today as we often do. I had a little trouble. I think Jack is going to grow up thinking all moms cry on top of their sons head in church. And salty tears make for a spiky hairdo.

The last verse especially seemed fitting this morning.

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! – who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save:
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied –
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
‘Til He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand!

Loving Others

June 30, 2007
11:17 PM

Along the way, as we have had children and we have lived here and there and developed relationships in each of those places, we recognized how wonderful it is when people outside of our family love our children. It is nice for them to realize that someone cares about them other than their mom and dad. Of course Mommy and Daddy love them, they are family. When other people show their care about them it really ministers to their hearts. It helps them to learn how to love others in return, to have a servant's heart, and develop relationships of their own. I know many people loved Knox besides his family and for that I am very thankful. Here are some pics of him with some of the people that loved him.

The first one was taken at his first birthday celebration. He was in just a diaper because he was preparing to get really messy eating cake. Two families that we are friends with came over to help us celebrate. Here Alex was playing with Knox; he had snuck around the corner to "scare" him. You can't see Knox's face, but you see just enough to see that he was laughing uncontrollably. Thanks Alex and family for loving Knox.

Next is his favorite neighbor and babysitter Hannah.  Thanks Hannah for always being willing to babysit in a pinch and to you and your family for loving Knox.

In this picture, he is with another Hannah.  Hannah kept him  a lot in the nursery during church and during Homeschool coop.  Thanks Hannah for always being excited to see Knox (runny nose and all) and to Hannah and family for loving Knox.

You and so many others have ministered to our children and to us.